Worry Wart

What if life were linear? What if you lived one day at a time, each one a logical progression from the last? What if a lesson learned once stayed learned?

My apologies to those of you who have been waiting for word from me; yes, I'm busy all the time. But there's been more to it than that. At least once a season, my health catches up with me, my wrist begins to ache, and I begin to feel a sense of impending failure. Much worse than doom, in my book. My brain becomes overwhelmed, and the idea of meaningful communication is just one more thing. Sometimes I'll write long, philosophical blogs at this point; this time, I took advantage of the fact that my life seems to cycle through this stage every year, and I read some of my blogs from years past.

Last year at this time, I sought solace in the same beloved books I just finished reading this morning. My outlook varied, then as now, as drastically as the weather -- the brilliant clear blue of a Football Day alternating with the stormy desolation that makes one wish for a fireplace and wooly slippers. There seems to be little in-between, though of course there is a happy medium -- that's the functional me, the responsible and professional administrative assistant, teacher, therapist, student, housekeeper. Without the stability of this me, I'm afraid I would really become an Artist, requiring placating and looking after. I think the aid to sanity is probably worth the pain of administrative minutia. I'm a good worker, a satisfied worker. I'm most content when I have that balance between Life and Art. If I'm ever tempted to retreat too far into my ivory tower, please shoot me before I go nuts!

It's nice to recall and reflect upon the thoughts that brought me through previous years. Perhaps life is both cyclical and linear, forming a series of curliques along the way to a destination. I do think I might be getting better at this stage, anyway!