Gerry, meet Larry. Larry, shake hands with Gerry.
Perspective. It really changes the way you look at things, doesn't it? :)
Trite profundities aside, I spent some time this morning reading "Seven Steps to Personal Freedom" (Gerry Spence, attorney) because I am required to do so; I also spent some time reading "Finding God" (Dr. Larry Crabb, professor of counseling) because I wish to do so. The fundamental differences between the two are, I believe, all born of a root difference in perspective. It's clearly visible in the titles of the books: Is the author looking to free himself or to find God? I haven't finished either book yet, but it seems to me that Gerry spends his time convincing the reader to love himself, while Larry is focused on moving through trials and tribulations to love God more dearly. Let us compare how the two deal with the issue of poor self-image:
"The second step to personal freedom is therefore acknowledging as an irrefutable fact our uniqueness, and therefore our perfection. We are as perfect as the Hope diamond is perfect. There is no one to whom we may be compared -- no one in the universe -- no one now, no one in the past, no one to the end of time. Our absolute acceptance of that truth -- and it is a truth -- is our most powerful step to freedom. Yet our view of ourselves as perfect, accurate as it is, is not one of conceit but one of inclusion because we realize that all others in this world contain their own uniqueness and therefore their own perfection as well." ~Gerry Spence, pp. 32-33
"Many Christians have rightly recognized how a bad self-image generates the terrible pressure to perform. But they wrongly assume that its root is self-hatred. They teach that if we can overcome our hatred for ourselves and learn to rest in God's unconditional love, the pressure to measure up will vanish and we will lead happy, productive, meaningful lives. This reasoning has a serious flaw: the root problem behind the pressure to perform is not self-hatred, but rather the determination to handle disappointment without ever turning to God, without ever acknowledging personal evil, and without ever gratefully accepting mercy. We prefer to see ourselves as wounded in our relationships, not sinful before a holy God." ~Dr. Larry Crabb, p.129
I'm not saying that Larry has all the answers (and neither is he, by the way), but I think he comes a lot closer to asking the right questions than Gerry does. He has the sort of perspective, the direction of focus that I need -- he has his eyes on God, rather than on peeling the layers of his onion-like soul. Last night's post, though full of valid concerns and sorrows and emotional outburst, was awfully self-centered. If I spend too much time lost in that sort of introspection, I'll lose sight of my mission in life. My goal is not just to live, but to accomplish the mission God sets before me.
"Get your nose out of your shirt, and take a look outside." ~David Simpson, "Good-Bye Me, Hello Jesus"
posted by Jeanine @ 10/10/2006 08:16:00 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Gerry does have a point, though. You are "perfect" in that you are God-made, and He knew what he was doing. I'm puzzled by the Larry paragraph. Is he suggesting that practicing piano to gain excellence, for instance, is an expression of humanism, if not self-hatred? Does he touch elsewhere on the efforts of excellence to glorify God?
I think Larry's simply saying that a poor self-image is the result of a self-centered life, rather than a God-centered one. While Gerry's focus is on the beauty and perfection of Self (overlooking the whole fallen creature thing), Larry's focus is on seeing through ourselves (beauty, perfection, and lack thereof) to keep our eyes on the One who really matters.
In this book, at least, Larry doesn't talk much about excellence, perfectionism, etc. One of the things I like about the book is that he is very focused on his topic -- he's talking about "Finding God," particularly in tough times, and he keeps his field as narrow as he can.
I think the thing that both Spence and Crabb seem to acknowledge is that people who strive to perform (or be perfect) all the time do so because they want to feel that they are in control of their lives. I perform excellently; therefore, I know that I am handling my life well.
I think the thing Spence doesn't acknowledge about high-performers (at least, not in this quote) is that the closer we get to "perfect," the farther away from it we know we are. The more we learn of the ideal, the stronger our realization of our inadequacies becomes.
Crabb gets it right, I think, because the root issue is one of self and control--when God would have the root of our lives be in Him and in His control.
Good things to think about. Hmmm.
Another thing to think about is that Gerry Spence is successful. At least he thinks so, and so do many other people. He therefore feels obligated to share with others how he feels he became successful. What he feels success is (and thus the path to obtaining it) is completely different than what Larry Crabb thinks it is. Gerry's idea of success is also different from what you or I or God think it is. We are not (or should not be) concerned at all about our own status or successfulness. We should be striving to be used by God for His glory. So, in short, you are right: it is all a matter of perspective and priorities. It is as if life is a race, but everyone is trying to reach different goals. In that situation, it is impossible to measure success or failure or to give others good advice on how to run the race. We can only trust that the goal we are reaching for is what God wants us to, and we can take that into account when assessing the advice given from people running different races.
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