Agony and Frustration

Ask anybody, I'm about as stubborn as they come. I toss my head up high on my stiff neck, stick out my chin, dig in my heels, and decide to win out on will-power alone, if need be. Sometimes, though, I meet an enemy that won't stand and fight properly.

This is day two of one of my championship migraines. Yesterday, I had to cancel my piano lesson (for the second time this semester), which is the whole reason I'm in Kentucky. I'm on campus now, because I was determined not to miss two days in a row, but this was a stupid decision. I ended up practicing in the dark, because I couldn't stand the lights, and I only lasted an hour before giving in and coming to the library. Really, another stupid decision, because this building gives me a headache on the best of days. It's not that I can't take a little pain -- I have a pretty good pain tolerance, thank you very much. But I can't see straight or think straight or be successful at the things at which I can usually depend on being successful. It's not fair, and it's not fight-able, and I hate it very much!

Last week, I learned a lot about "His strength made manifest in [my] weakness." I was exhausted beyond my limit by the end of the week, but I was granted joy and strength beyond anything I could have anticipated. So what's the lesson this time? That I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I ought to go sign up for a nunnery where things are peaceful and quiet? If I didn't know beyond all knowing that I'm doing what God has asked me to do for this season, I'd pack my bags.

What do I do, instead, then? Try to fight an invisible enemy? Collapse into tears and acknowledge my misery? Give up?

I hate this.